my own extreme right.

my chest feels like a chasm, chewed away slowly by the insatiable hunger of a termite colonies spirit. distant echoes ricochet off of the cold walls, mere remnants of who i once was clearly long vacated this rotting premiss of a hollow shell. i can feel it slip throughout my orifices, down my arms and through my fingertips. the warmth of human emotion slowly depleting, the cold calculation of indifference adjusts its parameters to my own proportions. i am afraid, yet i am unsure of what i need to do next. my ability to feel is diminishing as some sort of quasi defence mechanism continues to inhibit my spirit into a perfect cube that is lighted by unforgiving florescents. under the scrutinizing eye of logic, nothing seems to escape my analysis and judgement. the concept of love quarrels in a petri dish underneath the microscopic lense, and yet no root is found, only the ever changing metamorphosis and evolution of how this love manifests and multiplies. it cant be defined nor confined, yet i seek to see that it does get labeled, sanitized, vaccum packed sealed and filed alphabeticlly into my own cabinet of grey matter. i am running around in this sadomascohistic endeavor into my own oblivion, i know it cannot be pin pointed yet i try to plot it on a map. self destructive behaviour wouldnt you say?

as i continue to fortify myself in the comforts of reason, i continue to find myself bored, unamused, unimpressed, apathetic, jotting my rightful place in the assembly line of society. where has all my passion gone i wonder? i remember it clearly the feeling, the emotion, the awareness of being alive to the fullest!!!! how glorious, daring, adventurous, and speldidly wonderful it was to feel that utter and primal nature down to the very core. i miss that primordial essense more than anything, the unforgiving rawness is what i want. i could risk it all at this point just to know that i could get back to that.