Well its been a long time since ive blown off the years of internet dust from this ancient tome. after skimming through several of my entries i am hardly astonished at the fact that many of the ideas i was unsure about in the past i am more certain of now. I have managed to refine my thoughts into who am now, and i can truthfully say that i have come to no conclusions just more questions about the nature of things, myself, my behavior and the nature of my thoughts. Remarkably i am content as i lay upon a gurney of carelessness, my hands drape the sides dangling with no resistance as my knuckles rap against the course earth. i have accepted that things are as they are and my ambitiousness alone causes pain and suffering not only to myself but to those who surround me. thus i float.

at times i find the darkness of my insecurities creep up from beneath the follicles of my hair, and as they stand on end my anxiousness controls me at the most inconvenient of times. it is something i need to address and face soon otherwise time will consume problem and mask it forever. i feel like i need an experience that will expand my mind positively, im not looking for specifics but rather spontaneousness. and i want to beset myself on a journey rather than just swallowing a pill or a piece of paper.

regardless, these things i talk about are not necessarily why i am here. i am here because i am acknowledging my past and how i am going to set it free. my subconscious may possess it, but there are certain things i have no need to bother myself with anymore. i have seen and learned, i have love, laughed, cried, i have seen the ecstasies of heaven and the horrors of hell (relatively of course).

i have changed yet i am the same.

Lao Tzu your riddles set me free.

i am infinitely insignificant yet a part of a vast network of light that i will never come to understand. this is the beautiful mystery. not to be undignified by the cheap human explanations and represented by trinkets. for nothing could contain the spectacle that is existing. it just is.