And so it begins. Tomorrow I will step into the frail body of the starved. This body that I posses will begin the ultimate purging of foreign substances. This toxic case of carbon with secrete the pollution that it’s collected so that it may finally breathe the cleanest of airs, sip the purest of waters, feed on the natural earth bearing fruits and vegetables. My mind will also rid purge itself of impure thoughts, it will rid this synagogue of false prophets and Pharisees. This fast marks the beginning of a new self, a much needed change for improvement. As all transitionary periods experience crisis, I understand fully that it is going to be extremely difficult and testing. The temptations will torment every nerve within my body, every patch of grey matter will be set aflame as the jungle that has grown thick so that a new fresh forest may erupt in its ashes. This phoenix will die in the inferno and will be resurrected.

I extend my hand out to my opposing mirror, we shall transcend all uncertainty and we will suffer together, our white knuckles bear the stress that has built into a monstrous form of illusory pain. We shall deconstruct the blocks of Maya gently so we may finally peer into the luminous landscapes of alien shores. The tragedy of loss of love will be bearable in the cradling of each others eyes. Dig your nails deep into my flesh, I want to feel alive, My black obsidian heart needs to absorb your self inflicted pain so that it may convert into tears that will water this seed of potential. After a fortnight, we shall be renewed.

I am you
I am you
I am you

There is no other
There is only us
There is only I – I

erotomechanics

I personaly believe sex is a deeply integral part of life, God, the Universe, and everything. its rather hard to get a cosmos without it, yes? i mean really this all started with a "big Bang?" the a few billion years of subatomic particles enthusiastically colliding into each other, enacting a veritable orgy of substrate copulation and POOF!! here we all are?

it appears that we humans continue this cosmic tradition of colliding into one another and quite often as eagerly, creatively and frequently as possible. well why not? after all, what is sex if not the active pursuit of uniting masculine and feminine energies in a profound non dual integration expressed through a mind blowing orgasm? i mean really who doesn't see god at the point of full, mind/body/soul climax? who doesn't in fact, feel like thy actually be one with spirit for those brief moments when the incessant stream of mental chatter is temporarily blown out of the water? who are you when every ounce of your attention is racing towards, and finally achieves, and earth shattering union with your lover in a timeless moment ripped into infinity? thats right: you are the world-life, god, the universe and everything. literally.

ken wilber

winter soulstice

The longest night proved revealing to those who looked past the flickering flames and into the shadows that scurried between corners and crevices. On the surface a valiant display of colourful ritual and celebration, but underneath laid a selfish dwelling of disgustipated expressions. A masquerade for debauchery in the name of spiritual enlightenment, Mayas malevolent smile stretched from the bottom of her eyelids exposing a toothy grin. She’s an illusive adversary but why should I fear you?

Intuitive perception forensically observing intentions, I can see past your pretensions, and somewhere beneath all of the accumulated clutter lays a sobbing soul. Behind the glitter of this masquerade ball each and every one of us are weeping in confused alienation. All of us masters of the art of escapism we dodge the driftwood until it creates a dam of problems. Woe is us the lost generation of now, and how beautifully tragic it is. We seek to be creative and harmonious only to become a victim of entropy. I stroke my chin and sort the shitty hand that’s been dealt. What has become of us? Where are we going?

We are all children blindly grasping in the dark for some sort of solid ground to cling too, we seek an island of reprisal in this abyss. With my self professed anthropological cap on I wade in this baby pool lukewarm with the piss of scared kids, and at the end of everyday all I can do is shake my head and giggle. We are all the same and we are all looking for the exact same thing but all looking in the wrong places, I see no difference between the businessman that walks down the street and the gypsy that pickpockets him. They both carry around a lifeless shell that hides who they really are, they both cling onto the things that potentially give meaning to their materialistic lives. They both rely on another in a parasitic relationship. They lie to themselves and justify their actions both believing that one is right and other is wrong. selfish Pretensions, pretensions, pretensions…. Is their anything legitimately real in this godless world? Where have all the genuine people gone?

The darkest night has allowed these demons to surface and run amuck.
And now I see.

stimulants

Zero sympathy for the heart and stroke
I choke in ash and lingering smoke
Masochistic endeavors to prove a point
But escapes any rational justification

The deadly sensation wrought carcinogens
An absolute way for a means to an end
A linear trend that dirties in a hurry
Out of habit a harmless recreation?

My bleeding temple

My toxic mosque

My hurting church

A weakened cough

In the wake of chemical waste
I demonstrate, my peculiar taste for self hate
Cessate this nicotine fiend
And clean the sludge from this machine
And so I plead the need to breath
The purging mists of western seas
That hideous face on starbucks crest
Goes hand in hand with a shallow chest
Whore for Export A’s and Du Mauriers
Abusive relations to form decay
Suckers of satans cock the lot
Brewing poison In a coffee pot.

Beware wandering hands and lingering fingers

Coasting shifty sands, and flowing rivers
Climbing peaks, exploring caves
My curious touch is here to stay

The earths tilt is governed by your hips
Practicing a perfectly executed dance
The sun draws you in, the sun throws you out
Inducing cosmic rhythm and ecstatic trance

The moon keeps his distance
Caught in your gravity
An intoxicated waltz, but only hes at fault
For he wanes in his phases and proves evasive
Seeking solidarity within a thin threshold

Beware the dirty palms uttering brail of ancient psalms
For an audience come and gone, carry on resonating songs
Until they reach your ear and coax your falling tears
Rippling in sheer contempt for unwanted fears.

A congress of ancestral knowledge warn me of their endured mistakes
My blood before me beckons me to open up my heart again. Your loose like topsoil, vulnerable to the elements. Allow my roots to hold you firmly in wake of dusty storms caused by the drought of doubt. birthing hostile insects who desire to penetrate my bark, you seek to break a fragile heart. At the moment of ceasing sounds and dying light, I will burn into my finer compounds without a fight. My nutrients dissipate into you, bonding us once and for all. And perhaps……just perhaps this scorched earth will sprout anew the chosen few birthed from silent violence.

2012 theory as it stands in my mind right now.
Subject to change as events continue to unfold.

There are a few things I would like to discuss before I get into the subject of 2012. I would first like to address the events leading up to present time first starting with the big bang itself. Out of pure nothingness, infinite opportunity, a massive violent cosmic explosion created the universe as we know it today as it continues to expand. The manifest world began its journey traveling at the speed of light making itself more complex as it was divided over time. From pure energy at the chaotic quantum level of existence arose matter that is known to us in relative existence. From matter arose the atom, the nuclei of all that is physical. This daring and courageous atom moved onto seeking other atoms to further evolve itself into molecules. From happy molecules our universe passed another threshold of evolution and manifested inanimate matter into complex organisms and life, self sustaining and perfectly efficient in every way. But there was a problem, the universe was unaware of itself and in order to evolve further it needed to break itself free from the primordial physical realm and create a mirror in order marvel at its wonderful growth and expansion. So complex organisms evolved into complex organisms with mind, and for the first time the universe was able to observe itself at an instinctual level. Now we are at a fulcrum, mind was on a linear track that was purely built for survival and it was limited only to that sphere of existence.

In order for the universe to break free from this narrow perception it needed to create a non linear mind, a mind capable of abstract thought a mind capable of irrational and rational thought, a mind that could reflect on the universe and could reflect on itself. It is still unclear the threshold point where mind evolved from instinctual perception to becoming self aware. Terrence McKenna offers us a really interesting theory in which primal man essentially came across psychedelic plants and once ingested, acted as a catalyst in evolving his though process making him more aware of reality. Entheogens acted as the key to the doors of perception. And you could imagine, primal man completely content with his ignorant view of reality, completely happy bludgeoning his prey with bones and practically raping his female counterparts violently in order to carry on the meme. But then all of a sudden he is overwhelmed with anxiety and fear because he becomes aware that his stomach hurts and he is vomiting profusely psilocybin mushrooms all over the god damn place. Adam has eaten the forbidden fruit and is now burdened with his heightened sense of reality. You could imagine the beautiful luminescence of self discovery overshadowed with fear and uncertainty at this very fundamental point in conscious evolution. So then the human was born as was the split from our original face of pure emptiness, thus the concept of duality was born. With our advanced brains we separated ourselves from nature, we developed complex abstract language systems, we developed mathematics, we invented god to help ease the pain of our alienation, and we invented mythology to help us understand natural phenomena, we killed mythology with the development of science and we brought about the age of empirical observation that has trumped any other possible worlds that may exist beyond our perception.

The universe was now fully aware of its materialistic self, fully aware of the mirror that perceives itself and is now becoming aware of the potentiality of this awareness. At present time the collective human consciousness has differentiated itself from the mythological gods we killed in the wake of science. So we shifted towards a more empirical view of the world, but now this empirical view of the world Is reaching its extremes and can no longer sustain itself. All one has to do is look at the current world political. Social and spiritual states and you can see that we are all suffering and are frightened. Perhaps it is time for another shift? A shift not backwards to our mythological gods, but perhaps a shift that transcends and includes both rational and irrational modes of thought, both science and spirituality? Perhaps it is finally time for the opposing forces of duality to make amends and come together to form a harmonious hunab ku to further continue this evolutionary process of consciousness?

I am still putting the pieces together, I am trying to assign the synchronicities I experience into some sort of chart or mapping so I may be able to anticipate future events. But then again overanalyzing them may kill its intrinsic value so I have to be careful not to over think. I don’t want to miss out on anything if I am to busy trying to make sense of it all. Luckily I have found someone who has the power to facilitate my own evolution of consciousness on a more personal level. Essentially being my opposite she coaxes me into leaving my comfort zones. Like every past epoch of human self transcendence an aspect of overcoming yourself and your rooted values and ideals must be overcome in order to expand and evolve. In a sense this cosmic shift that is occurring on every level of existence is manifesting itself in at a very personal level for me. Because it is so obvious and evident of what I must do, I am extremely grateful that the universe has provided me with this opportunity to think globally but act locally.

So now we are are at present time. The world looks like shit, all hope seems lost and we have all been struck with this apathetic mind fuck that is permeating all levels of societal structure. For example the hipster generation, love them or hate them they represent the epitome of perfected mirrored manifestation of a society and culture that has lost all creativity, lost compassion, lost morals and ethics that is drowning in a very very shallow pool of vanity. You know you are doomed when the youth of your society whose job it is to change the establishment are to busy styling their fau hawks and twiddling there self professed philosophical beards into oblivion. There is a SERIOUS problem there. The saying “before it gets better its only going to get worse” has never felt so absolute and appropriate for such times. The pretentiousness is seeping through the cracks and is oiling up the already slick floor making it difficult for any genuine soul to not fall on his ass. So whats going to happen during the events leading up to 2012 and thereafter? I do not know, but I do know that whatever does happen is going to be exactly how the universe intended it to happen. We can either go two ways it appears, we can evolve, transcend and include, or we can fail miserably. Either way I will equally satisfied wherever I may be. I am not one to believe in the second coming of Christ, or doomsday scenarios, aliens coming down from nibiru jacking up all of our gold, an automated shift in consciousness but at the same time I do not fully discard those possibilities. I foresee a practical outcome shrouded with mysticism, a spiritual shift both effecting the physical realm and the subtler realms of consciousness. Also you have to put in the effort and ride tune yourself into the changes and participate, don’t expect anything to come to you if you just sit on your ass. Think for yourself.

freestyle freeways

I was out strollin, hood up pants saggin, then all of a sudden I bumped into this girl and she said “imagine…….Imagine a world that sustains a everlastin anthem that lives large at random.” I couldn’t fathom this fleeting phantom of thought; I was too caught up in concrete rot, crooked cops, in a meaningless world where all is nought. But then I was shot. I felt the hot steal, the life and breath embracing me for eternal rest and ego death. The lyrical bullet that penetrated my sedated confines of the mind was by no means a physical wound. I soon bled the red fuel, in meantime tried not to lose my cool, but I am no fool, I was destined to be ruled by the cosmic force setting my fateful course eventually forced the divine resource into my minds eye, why lie? Violently sheddin my skin like a cheese grater, switchin between dual vinyl’s with a conscious cross fader. All life’s in danger, and you can’t even sum up the courage to come up and be a player. You’re a dormant informant to yourself, putting off spirituality to the back of the shelf. Its this apathetic insanity that’s got to be the septic stench, lend me a wrench so I can open the valve to the faucets of mouth that allow me to politely vomit raw truth on your dress pants. Dry-clean your suit and tie you mindless motherfuckaaaaaaaaaaas woooord is bond.

Shout outs to the Vic island krew for funnelling this inspiration to me via rojin.

Pce

another hunab ku related shitskit

The artist in her sphere of influence, charges the particles with a static that encompasses the entire electromagnetic spectrum. She has chosen a karmic path that outstretches itself into the peaks of the Himalayas and the valleys of the Grand Canyon. Her vision knows no limitations, her elasticity never solidifies. She has a humanistic duty to mirror the world however beautiful or ugly it may be, this is why she loses herself in the karmic nature of samsara. Because of this bi-polar nature she truly grasps the entirety of “humaneness” what it means to exist on this level. Absolutely, True, beautiful and good in her unpredictability. Always pushing the boundaries of expression, regardless of how consequential the extremes may be.

These visionaries are in short supply these days, the only thing left in the wake of the creative wave that broke back into the ocean during the sixties, is the littered beach filled with pencil shavings, crumpled paper, broken canvases, torn drum skins and a legion of beach bum LSD casualties. The once unstoppable creative force that fuelled the sixties is now no more, the hippies either turned in their torn dirty clothing for suits and ties, or resorted to rambling about deluded utopian societies at your local coffee shops, trying to cling to the glory they once knew, or fled to the forests and mountains never to be seen again. Where did that energy settle into? It must be lying dormant somewhere around, just waiting to be picked up again in the gleaming eye of a curious artist. More importantly where have all the visionaries gone? How did we lose sight of that libertarian reality that was so closely attainable? Perhaps they went to far, the thousands of LSD casualties who took Dr.Leary far to seriously. Perhaps they succumbed to the turning tide of modernism. I am unable to answer these questions for sure, for the answer truly does not exist in the external world. The answer is wedged deep into the crevices of untouched potential, sitting their patiently at the back of the line. If the evolving nature of the universe holds truth, and if it is certain that consciousness seeks out to further complex itself as does matter, then it must be certain that these visionaries seek one another, to co-create.

The businessman, always finding a means to make an end, straight up and always cuts to the chase and never beats around the bush, never wastes time and practices efficiency regardless of the things it may harm. Has a clear vision that stretches like a straight highway, long but he can see the destination at the end. Still a victim of samsara, he gets miserable in and lonely quickly and finds that his materialistic possessions offer no consolation. He seeks the maternal affection he yearns for. Absolutely, True, beautiful and good in his predictability. Always pushing the boundaries of logic, regardless of how consequential the extremes may be.

It must also be true at the other side of the spectrum that people who don’t acquire an artistic vision but understand a more practical worldly vision also seek to further complex itself. We are obviously living during a time where this manifestation trumps the artistic side, a narrow minded view of the world is currently center staged and as far as the positive aspects that this modern revolution has brought us, it has now grown into a monstrosity that needs to be tamed. We are seeing that we are nearing the end of this 500 year old masculine dominated dynasty, the aggressive energies are dissolving, change is in motion, the sons and daughters of the previous eras are resurfacing and they have a voice. A feminine energy is emerging; compassion is making its way back into human life. But before this balance occurs, Shiva is not going to give up his power and share it with shakti so easily. Don’t expect this shift in consciousness to just occur, you need stir the dormant artist within you and risk hopping onto this train that is going 300 miles per hour.

Too much head and we become hard and cynical
Too much heart and we become soft and gullible

“Anicca” the Buddhist principal of impermanence is a model in which two equal and mutually opposing natures endlessly meet and separate. The instant in which they unify is variously desrcribed as true love, equality, zero, or emptiness. It is the unification of subject and object. But when these two natures separate, the objective world, appears. Expansion and contraction, mother and father, male and female, plus and minus. Coming and going.

sleep paralysis

Palms open, supine position
Visceral buzzing
No fight, No flight
Karabasan

She sits on my chest stealing my breath
Floating in purgatory between the bardo realms
Paralyzed

Atop a gothic tower
Flanked by twin gargoyles
At the center but a single flower
Ancient chairs and damp soil
Surrounded by a thousand eyes
A congregation of suit and ties

khmout sukkhot

around a round table
world leaders conspire
their voices crescendo
as do the tremors

finally the tower breaks at its foundations
and I fall with an anvil on my chest
before I hit the ground
I awake stark, upright and sweating

nutella sandwhiches, pro biotic vanilla yogurt and OJ

Something observed visually loses its fundamental essence of being as soon as it is perverted by conceptual thought. As soon as we apply scientific reason, philosophical reason, and utilitarian notions we re-create the natural world unfortunately in our own image. At extreme difficulty one should posses the ability to be able to look at an object from within itself father from the skewed biased judgements of an objectified perception. If by chance or by catalyst you are lucky enough to see beyond the conceptual mind and view the natural world with a moderate sympathetic eye free from pre conceptualized biases, you will find it surprisingly easy to see the infinite luminescence in anything you observe. For the first time you are seeing something as it IS, and you observe that this thing is in fact a perfect manifestation of spirit in its own right. Try it for yourself, stare into the eyes of someone you love and care for deeply and erase every preconception you have of that individual, what you may find might be a sense of pure innocence and pure being because there are no reference points in which to compare, no language to be able to explain the wondrous shimmering lustre emitting from that person. Try to hold the back the tears of joy….i dare you. You may giggle in disbelief that this whole time you were staring at that primordial smile where all creation came from, but because you had your head up your ass this whole time, failed to notice. But don’t be too hasty to suffocate your ego so quickly now. It does serve its rightful position and even if it doesn’t seem so is still a perfect manifestation of spirit. Innately we are constructed to make assumptions of the world, we try to take pure manifestations of spirit and convert them into symbols and language to help our minds make sense of them in an empirical fashion. This way of seeing the world has indeed brought about many positive aspects that have helped humans to survive, but as we are seeing this purely objective stance is exponentially getting out of control. We as a race are separating ourselves from realizing our true nature; we have nearly suffocated everything of its pure essence by applying rules or definitions to them. We need to find the fulcrum where the inner world of divine creativity meets the earthy realm. Only then may we be able to wake up from our sleepwalking states. this can be applied to all levels of human experience.

AshTron Militia

“Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted.”
Aldous Huxley

pinneaple ham, rice and peppered asparagus........my piss smells.

I have been doing some house cleaning lately; my mind has been cluttered. The future development department have vacated their cubicles off to some distant pleasure node of the temporal lobe for a bowling outing. I think I hit my orbital frontal lobe because I am more sexually driven than usual, so that needs some maintenance……or does it haha. The cameramen of my occipital lobe have turned their attentions to a particular brown woman which is causing the labourers of my medulla to pump my heart faster (hehe you know who you are)…..its a fucking mess In here. I was sweeping away some nicotine receptors and I got to a door that said “to do list.” This room was full to the brim. Fucking hell I really have procrastinated. I notice that filed away in a cluttered room full of grey matter, somewhere within the un-kept rubbish in my mind, between the ass and titties section, (yea my dick has been filing complaints) and the love drawers (police line around that section) there is a chest that was dirtier and covered with dust more than anything else in this room. I blew onto the label and I made out some words. “Consciousness evolution development.” The chest was large and smelled like the ancient scent of musky, moist wood chippings. A large rusted padlock kept it locked down, it was pretty battered and cracked. I could tell that someone had tried to pry it open…….so thaaats what the dopamine receptor cells were doing when LSD came to visit. Well what the fuck!!!! I grabbed my trusty green pry-bar made with super condensed hemp with a THC finish and fitted it between the opened crack of the chest. Puff. Puff. Puff………….CRACK!!!! I managed to open it just enough grab the closest article I could reach for. It was a piece of paper. “HEY WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING.!!!!!!” Oh shit! My ego must have found me. “uhhhhm nothing sir, just running in circles like you told me to.” I stuffed the paper into my pocket, slowly backed away from the chest, my eyes still transfixed on the beautiful light that emitted from within. I wonder how deep does that chest go?

I sat at the edge of the hamster wheel inside the part of my brains associated with dealing with society and I opened up the crumpled paper I stuffed in my pocket.

It read.

The Law of Complexity/Consciousness is the tendency in matter to complexify upon itself and at the same time to increase in consciousness. The law was first formulated by Jesuit priest and paleontologist Pierre Teilhard de Chardin. Teilhard holds that at all times and everywhere, matter is endeavouring to complexity upon itself, as observed in the evolutionary history of the earth. Matter complexified from inanimate matter, to plant-life, to animal-life, to human-life. Or, from the physiosphere, to the biosphere, to the noosphere. As evolution rises through the physiosphere, biosphere and noosphere, matter continues to rise in a continual increase of both complexity and consciousness.

It makes logical sense without the feverish religious chauvinism that is so often frequently affiliated with theological philosophy. Perhaps this Jesuit priest is on to something?
Teilhard imagines a critical threshold, Omega Point, in which mankind will have reached its highest point of complexity (socialization) and thus its highest point of consciousness. At this point consciousness will rupture through time and space and assert itself on a higher plane of existence from which it can not come back.

Hmmmmm interesting, this concept is very similar to that of the idea of obtaining enlightenment in within eastern philosophy, or Abraham Maslows idea of reaching “Self actualization.” So that’s what Carl Jung meant when he stated that…..


“The objective psyche may be considered objective for two reasons: it is common to everyone; and it has a better sense of the self's ideal than the ego or conscious self does. It thus directs the self, via archetypes, dreams, and intuition, and drives the person to make mistakes on purpose. In this way, it moves the psyche toward individuation, or self-actualization.”

WE CANT LOOK TOWARDS OUR EGO TO EVOLVE OUR CONSCIOUSNESS?!!!!!!!.......that fucking prick had me fooled all this time.
What else does Teilhard have to say?

“For its reflective and inventive forward spring it is in some sort necessary that Life, duplicating its evolutionary motive center, should henceforth be sustained by two centers of action, separate and conjoined, one of consciousness and the other of complexity.... In hominised evolution the Physical and the Psychic, the Without and the Within, Matter and Consciousness, are all found to be functionally linked in one tangible process."

Wait where have I seen this before?.........aha a letter i wrote for a friend.

“The entire universe is a shimmering display of divine creation, but the divine is not out “there” or in “here”, because it is simply self seen and is not anywhere else. Suddenly you realize you are not just one experience but all experience expanding and rippling out to the far reaches of the universe, you are utterly full and saturated complete and whole. The window between observer and observed has shattered and the boundaries of the limiting body/mind have evaporated because you are neither of those things, which is precisely why your true original face cannot be found in “here” because it is the sheerest emptiness or transparent display of all, if the universe unfolds, you are that, if it does not, you are that. In either case you are not separate.”

i sit here on my hamster wheel dumbfounded. why hasn't this been reported to the frontal lobe?....wait a minute what if my ego does not want me to discover this? of course!!!!!! its afraid of losing its identity, of its sense of self importance!!!!! a foundation built on insecurities!!!!! it cannot last! an overwhelming relief fills my weary heart. their is cosmic order, and everything is as it should be. everything may have levels of relevant significance, but the value of whatever it may be is no greater nor less than anything else. it simply is.


"We live in succession, in division, in parts, in particles. Meantime within man is the soul of the whole; the wise silence; the universal beauty, to which every part and particle is equally related, the eternal ONE. And this deep power in which we exist and whose beatitude is all accessible to us, is not only self-sufficing and perfect in every hour, but the act of seeing and the thing seen, the seer and the spectacle, the subject and the object, are one. We see the world piece by piece, as the sun, the moon, the animal, the tree; but the whole, of which these are shining parts, is the soul. Henry Thomas Colebrooke"

December

December, the unwelcoming cold greets me with a blast of frigid air hitting my exposed face. I think its finalized I do suffer from SAD, seasonal affective disorder. Try as I have every single year to look for some sort of respite in these dead months I have found no reconciliation. One may look for Christmas to support him through, but I was never a fan of archetypical jolly grandfathers parading in red suits. Who are these men behind the strap on beards? I can only imagine the loneliness and sorrow these jolly St. Nicks possess surrounded by frantic parents and their ungrateful children. The level of anxiety in shopping malls is boiling over; the amount of colourful moulded plastic sitting on fully stocked shelves was enough to make me vomit in my mouth. I swallowed this horrific air conditioned nightmare with a blank face and I took it all in with little emotion, repressing the desire to burn all these motherfucking malignant tumours that attract thousands of flocking consumers to their spiritual deaths. “what malevolent Buddha was at work here?” I thought. cynically I pictured a fat 12 year old kid guzzling down mountain dews, mowing Pringles and Twinkies to the sweet sound of a humming x-box 360. “MOM!!!!!!! I HATE YOU!!!!!” his fat jiggling in a fit. Im not sure what is more pathetic, the kid, or the mother that enables his selfish musings. I giggled to myself inappropriately. I guess that is what happens when you get a generation fed with a silver spoon, legions of fat white kids. Sigh* the west is dying. The American dream has become a nightmare. It needs to be flushed if humanity expects to survive, I have no problem of the thought of our extinction. Its just ironic how if that was the case there would be nobody to witness the beauty of a peaceful earth. Perhaps it’s better off that way. Calgary is a city on its knees; a city filled with legions of Willie Loman’s, the death of a salesman. I wonder if this city will ever wake up beyond the narrow sight of materialistic incarceration, or will these sheep just keep mulling along stupefied, needing to unconsciously defend their egos from a glimmering reality. I suppose it’s a gap that needs to be filled, still a perfect manifestation of spirit, just an ugly manifestation is all. Regardless, its time for me to consider leaving this hopeless place behind, I feel like a tiger cornered by squealing pigs……so tempted to bite into their tainted filthy flesh…..but I am afraid ill turn into one of them eventually. What am I to do?

Theirs a light that beckons me west, a light with vitruvian proportions, a golden spiral that leads into the dark waters of the unknown. I want to be led blindly by this light, but somewhere along the line I am afraid it will dim and eventually leave me out in the pitch black. is this light red? Or is it blue? Is it both or neither? This gleaming opportunity has the potential to illuminate a co-creative process that may be my only chance. unfortunately, I have a memory that clings to a painful experience that is frightfully similar to this opportunity. The pain suffered has branded a scar that reminds me not to heedlessly fall so quickly. I am conflicted. Once again my heart beckons me to reach out into the darkness, but my mind and all of its limitations tells me it isn’t safe. I need to be sure, my intuition is stumped and divided. I am blessed but also troubled by the level of my sensitivity. The spectrum of my emotions and feelings are infinite, i can feel extreme highs but because I am able to climb so high, I can just as easily fall equal distance into infinite despair. Lost in rapture, I am a victim of my feelings, it’s a beautiful struggle and I would rather have felt the deepest pain than nothing at all. Perhaps I have already fallen in love, and my ego is trying desperately to cling onto its self centered tendencies, giving me a fragmented view. how deep does this love go I wonder, I suppose there is only one way to find out. What am I willing to sacrifice for this? Because once I cross the tipping point there is no turning back. My mind is making excuses to fabricate complexities out of something that is rather very simple. Torn between wisdom and compassion, God, and Goddess, ascent and descent, I and I need to sit down and communicate. This spiralling light holds the key to my full potential, my original face. The thing is, will I be satisfied in this altruistic reality or would I be happier in the self induced delusional world of aesthetically pleasing exteriors. My god I am in love! But is it with you or is it a narcissistic endeavour. How do I bring both of these worlds together in a non dualistic fashion? I look towards the inner emptiness of the vast expanse, a blissful canvas of infinite potential of infinite manifestation for that answer. i seek to hold your hand and peer into these sacred mirrors. Accommodate this vacant heart. Let me feel the stroke of your paintbrush on my blank sheet of paper. Paint a portrait, paint it black, or leave it blank, these are our choices.

Standing atop opposite plateaus
A vast canyon full of carrion birds below
They await to devour our desperate souls

Help me. help me manifest this bridge
I need to risk these rickety planks
A god damn shame if we didn’t try.

A thicket of thorny brush separates
Poison ivy eager to caress me
All I feel is that incurable itch

Help me. help me manifest these orchids
The scent of love guide me through
A god damn fucking shame if we didn’t try

A love without obstacles is no love at all
Who am I to negotiate with these cosmic forces?
But how do I mend this confliction?
How do I sew night and day with disintegrated threads?
How do I clap with one hand?
Conduct an orchestra without ears?

A heart that is vacant
Only faint imprints and faded apparitions etched in the walls
Can I trust this empty space with your unpredictability?
This unmanifest expanse can be your canvas
Paint whatever you like. With your fidgety or calm hands

Conquer my Cerebrotonia with your somatonia
Because this dragon needs to be coaxed out of his lair
Tired of the treasures acquired through conquest
The cold trinkets bring out his loneliness
Even if he finds satisfactory in solitude

let me breath fire on the anvil of your creation
let me set aflame this dying drudkh
my wingspan encompasses a wide spectrum
gallop across existence freely under my shadow

……………………

Cmon everybody!
If you got what it takes
Cuz im Ashton matilla
And I do beseech ya
Cuz these are the BREAKS!!!!

One for the treble
Two for the bass
Swallow down the dirty better use some chase
Don’t misinterpret my face
Yea the shit you smoked was laced
With the funky residues of sex
Hope you enjoy the taste
BECAUSE THIS SHIT WILL MAKE YOU A SEXUAL TYRANASOUARES

old english assignment 15/10/07

Memoir by Ashton matilla

I remember a series of experiences I had with a friend that I met in social studies class in December of last year. A series of experiences that will have a lasting impression on my life for the next few years, plaguing and gnawing away at my thoughts but also filling me with inspiration and a sense of an enlightened self. At the time she wasn’t my friend of course because we haven’t yet introduced our selves during the past duration of our class. During the beginning of one of my classes I found a small piece of paper with an email address scribbled over it, I thought nothing of it and tossed it away not realizing it was the email address of a potential friend who sat behind me. It was her, the most beautiful and intelligent woman I’ve ever laid my eyes upon, not ever having the guts to talk to her I kept centered and didn’t make any calculated moves to get to know her. Throughout my history with women I never had the egotistical drive to seek one out and woo her with the half honest and half pathetic drives for landing a spot on the pedestal; I just never deemed it to be worth the importance or effort. If though a sense of importance and intrigue ever did arise it would have had to come from the girl directed towards me, and not only this but my mere presence and entity would have to be enough to make them make the first move. This is the way.

To my mere astonishment, at the most unexpected time during a class, the goddess of my subconscious approached me from my peripherals and made her the center of my attention. She spoke to me in a tone that resonated like Tchaikovsky, bombarding my eardrums like the London blitz. I was compelled to listen and give one hundred percent of my attention towards her entity. I was captivated a slave. The introduction was simple, I loved this girl and I wanted her to be mine, and only mine. She walked like that of sophisticated stature, she spoke worthy, surpassing the transcendence that of any priest , rabbi or imam, she understood on par of any libertarian and she obtained the enlightenment sought by any Buddhist. She purely was.

Our relationship together tumbled headfirst into the world, exponentially gaining more weight as every accumulated layer of complexity added itself to the confusion and chaos. Who was this woman I asked myself amongst the lust and passion, and why did she choose me? This left me with a sense of insecurity, was I enough to handle the perfection, could I make myself understand her ways? The political spectrum said we were compatible, but how foolish am I to hold such permanence in a corruptible measuring tool. My god my skepticalism and my delusional dreams kept me from seeing the truth. Once submerged in my insecurities I proved to her that I was unworthy, afraid that I wasn’t able to keep up with her demands. With such perfection demands constant maintenance.

The factor of love cannot defend itself with the demands of modern society. I blame the delusional idea of what a woman should act and look like on the self ambitious desires of society. It ruined her, and it ruined me. The hopeless romantic that I am is the very thing that caused my demise. I cannot express my true feelings of pure and unconditional love to someone who is constantly being shot down. There is no hope, I can only sit back and mull over how it could have been and question why it turned out to be so. The pain was endless at the end; I could only see black skies and withered flowers. The mass confusion of all the conspiracies of how my relationship was with her was enough to make me insane. I could not understand her critical point of view and she could not understand my compassionate reasoning. Two ends of the spectrum we were, but yet so close. With a little bit of tolerance and understanding I knew for fact that we could have turned out happy, but so is the way of learning lessons on life.

Today we have resolved our differences on the surface, but somehow I believe that the scars of our indifference run deep and will never mend themselves. I have come to the ultimate realization that in order to be at peace with oneself, one should not expect anything therefore nothing expected will turn into something unexpected. One can get on with his life without dealing with trivial nonsense such as failed relationships. And coming said to this, I would like to address a growing epidemic that has spread increasingly over the past several years.

This disease has affected the sum of all the youth either directly or indirectly. It has to do with communication skills diminishing. More and more young adults are feeling the pressures by the mass media; they conform like putty in the hands of a sculptor, freely giving away their intuitions to a set of guidelines that fashion magazines and media moguls such as MTV have to offer. Though we can discard these intrusions on our psyche by being intellectually aware of ourselves and of the world around us, I find that it is not as easy as we try to make it. It is much a much deeper problem, while our attention is being tuned into consuming as a society we as humans have forgotten how to be humans. This is why there is increasing violence, divorces, destruction of the environment and unstable youth. Humans need to find an artistic output or else you get to assimilated and confined, and a cornered beast will explode in a fit of irrational fury because he knows no reason. And so was the fate of my relationship.

All hope is not lost though, in the case to my relationship and to any other issue that anyone faces we have choices we can make to claw ourselves out of our holes that we indeed dig for ourselves. Instead of comforting ourselves with self pity we must realize that self pity is not comfort but the illusion of, causing us to heedlessly give way to all the alternatives that a consuming society can offer. One must pursue to understand himself before he can understand others, so self reflection and reconciliation is needed. Once finding yourself is well established then you can go out and seek what is best to fulfill yourself. I need to make one thing clear though, your ‘self’ is not to be mistaken with your ego. Although your ego is what makes ones personality and there is no escape from it, I believe it is necessary to keep your ego in check so you do not confuse yourself of what is necessary. Western culture has a psychopathic need to fulfill your ego, making it ok to indulge in materialistic possessions, they fill a void in your personality making it theirs instead of yours. Liberation is needed, if our culture continues down the road of debaucheries misgivings and self consummation of materialistic possessions, our fate will be that of Sodom. The very infrastructures that keep us afloat will collapse in a heap or life as we know it will become so selfish and obscure, humans will be forced into war with himself resulting in war with the world.

evolution of spirit in societal structure - ken wilber

Every epoch of human evolutions seems to have one central idea, an idea that dominates the entire epoch, and summarizes its approach to spirit, and tells us something altogether profound. Each seems to build upon its predecessor.

Foraging: spirit is interwoven with earthbody. For aging cultures the world over sing this profound truth. The very earth is our bones, blood and marrow. And we are all the sons and daughters of that earth- in which spirit flows freely.

Horticultural: But spirit demands sacrifice. Sacrifice is the great recurring theme through horticultural societies, and not just in concrete form of actual ritual sacrifice, although we certaintly see it there as well. But the central and pervading notion is that certain specific human steps must be taken to come into accord with spirit. Ordinary or typical humanity has to get out of the way, so to speak – has to be sacrificed – in order for spirit to shine forth more clearly. In other words, there are steps on the way to a more fully realized spiritual awareness.

Agrarian: These spiritual steps are in fact arrayed in a great chain of being. The great chain is the central, dominant, inescapable theme of every mythic-agrarian society the world over, with few exceptions.

Modernity: The great chain unfolds in evolutionary time. In other words evolution. The fact that spirit was usually left out of modernity is quite disastrous. Evolution is one great background concept that hangs over every single modern movement; it is the god of modernity. And in fact this is a very spiritual realization, because whether or not it consciously identifies itself as spiritual, the fact is that it plugs human into the kosmos in an unbroken fashion, and further, points to the inescapable and frightening fact that humans are co-creative of their own evolution, their own history, their own worldspaces because….

Postmodernity: Nothing is pre-given; the world is not just a perception but is also an interpretation. That this leads many postmodernists into fits of aperspectival madness is not our concern. That nothing is pregiven is the great post-modern discovery, and it plugs humans into a malleable kosmos of their own co-creation, spirit becomes self conscious is the most acute forms, on the way to its own superconcscious shock.

Spirit is interwoven with earthbody, but spirit demands sacrifice. These spiritual steps are in fact arrayed In a great chain of being. The great chain unfolds in evolutionary time. Nothing is pregiven; the world is not just a perception but also an interpretation (co-creativity)

ken wilber you fucking genius

Spirit is interwoven with earthbody, but spirit demands sacrifice. These spiritual steps are in fact arrayed In a great chain of being. The great chain unfolds in evolutionary time. Nothing is pregiven; the world is not just a perception but also an interpretation (co-creativity)

The Ascenders, feverishly disregarding natural manifestation as illusory from the Buddhist to the devout Christian and everything in between, primarily independent masculine energy, from the many to the One, detached. A movement where we see that behind the fleeting and shadowy forms of manifestation there is a single source, a groundless ground, the absolute, and we rise to an understanding of this absolute good. Are at odds with the descenders, a movement whereby the One empties itself into all creation, gives itself to all forms, so that all creation is a perfect manifestation of spirit. From the one to the many. The entire manifest world was seen as a manifestation or embodiment of the good, of the absolute, and was to be celebrated as such. The greater the diversity in the world, the greater the spiritual glory and goodness. A dominantly feminine energy, grounded.

Seperated, God, and Goddess, Wisdom and compassion, ascent and descent, are desperately trying to cling on to their fragmented truths. The masculine face of spirit, or God, is pre-eminently Eros, the ascending and transcendental current of the kosmos, ever striving to find greater wholeness and wider unions, to break for the limits and reach for the sky, to ruse to unending revelations of a greater good and glory, always rejecting the shallower in search of the deeper, rejecting the lower in search of the higher. The feminine face of spirit, the goddess, is pre-eminently agape, or compassion, the descending, immanent and manifesting current of the kosmos, the principle of embodiment, and bodily incarnation, and relationship, and relational and manifest embrace, touching every being with perfect and equal grace, rejecting nothing, embracing all. Where eros strives for the good of the one in transcendental wisdom, agape embraces the many with goodness immanent care.

These two fundamental paradigms have been warring since the dawn of time, each still claiming to be whole, each still accusing the other of evils , each still perpetrating the same fractured insanity it despises in the other. The point is to bring these to currents into some sort of union or harmony, so that God and Goddess can hold hands and both find a spirit that transcends and includes this world, a spirit eternally prior to this world and yet embracing this world and all of its beings with infinite love and compassion, and care and concern, and the tenderness of mercies and glory in the glance.

Tantra in the general sense presents the ultimate non dual reality as the sexual embrace of God and Goddess, Shiva and Shakti, emptiness and form. Neither ascent or descent is finale, ultimate or privileged, but rather like the primordial ying and yang, they generate eachother, depend on each other, cannot exist without the other, and find their own true being by dying into the other. only to awaken together, joined in bliss, as the entire kosmos, finding that eternity is wildly in love with the productions of time, the non dual head radiating throughout all creation, and blessing all creation, and singing this embrace for all eternity, an embrace that we are all asked to repeat in our own awareness, moment to moment, endlessly, miraculously, as the immediate presence of one taste. This is the non dual vision, the union of reflux and efflux, God and Goddess, emptiness and form, wisdom and compassion, Eros and agape, ascent and descent.

If we are to survive this turmoil we must think integrally. To awaken your true identity, to awaken the spirit who is the actual author of this integral display. And there hidden in the secret cave of the heart, where God and Goddess finally unite, where emptiness embraces all forms as the lost and found beloved, where Eternity rejoices the praises of noble time, where Shiva swoons uncontrollably for a luminescent Shakti, where ascending and descending erotically embrace in the sound of one hand clapping, there forever in the universe of one taste, the Kosmos realizes its own true nature, self seen in a tacit recognition that leaves not even a single soul to tell the amazing tale. And remember? There in the heart, where the couple finally unite, the entire game is undone, this nightmare of evolution, and you were exactly where you were before the whole show. With a sudden shock of the utterly obvious, you recognize your own original face, the face you had prior to the big bang, the face of utter emptiness that smiles as all creation sings as the entire kosmos – and it is all undone in that primal glance, and all that is left is the smile, and the reflection of the moon on a quiet pond, late on a crystal clear night.

right of passage - dedicated to Lolo Edward

Cyclical occurrence eclipsing reason
A fleeting soul escapes his iris
Entering wave and particle once again
a quantum stream of infinite possibility
he shares his spectrum of existence
and leaves a deteriorating shell

the four noble truths illuminate
clearing way for safe passage
unhinging ego, death of identity
after endured a insufferable sojourn
finally he breaks to the surface
and is greeted by a heaving chest and blinding light.

cold rice

As I inhale
You exhale
Silently a rhythm of our duals
Healing our shallow breaths
Mending a fundamental dissociation
A primal self inflicted wound.

My intuitive eye has found thy self
Fermenting in your fruitful chalice
Is this reflection eternal?
Boundless, unconditional, limitless?
If so, then let me acquire your right hand
For my left is outstretched and waiting

Freud defends me from love
Mechanistic response to veil a loss
A past that haunts prevails illusory
Even then, a clenched fist of rigor mortis
Repress and regress, repeat in defeat
i have no time for such trivialities

the tide washes my eyes
to catch a goats bleeding heart
the impression you made in sand
fades with every wave.

so i return with you
to the all encompassing vast expanse
in union of samsara and nirvana
embracing all, including all, transcending all

its like drinking orange juice after brushing your teeth..bitter

oh grandfather winter
how you penetetrate my sphincter
worse than grits and liver
oh how you make me quiver

tell me how is it mister
that your longer than the nile river
anoying like a evasive sliver
oh dear god you make me shiver

bland like a tv dinner
painful as a blister
constitute me a sinner
fuck i hate you winter

chai tea, mandarin oranges and pumkin pie. Wednesday, November 5, 2008 at 6:26pm

Well then, it appears I have been wrong all this time, or rather mislead perhaps, being untrue to my original face. I have undergone a journey which has led me through many crossroads, I am now confronted once again at another crossroad, one path challenges my current belief systems, it appears harrowing, and with many obstacles but promising. The other path looks familiar and safe, something I have been through before. Do I want to take the chance and risk failure to experience something new, or do I want to play it safe?

I have lived my whole life in an atomistic, empirical kind of society of reductionism. All of the institutions including my family seemed primed for this kind of worldview of the observable world that can be mapped, categorized ect. Inherently within this “right hand” path lets say, the importance of consciousness and self awareness is nearly non existent. I lived my entire life mostly in pursuit of materialistic satisfaction, constantly seeking stimulation of my five senses, because as far as society was concerned that was all there is. Equipped with an upbringing of Catholicism i was especially fucked over as a child, combining the indoctrination of religious bigotry with this consumer kind of lifestyle made me feel extra guilty. I learned how to be greedy, selfish, dishonest, manipulative, deeply guilty and inadequate as a spiritual human being. I was a confused train wreck. Fortunately I reached a peak in this hellish state of consciousness and finally started to weave myself free by asking questions. If there is one thing I can thank my father for is for helping me understand that authority should be questioned regardless of anything. Its ironic how I learned this to because when told not to do something I would naturally ask in my head, but why? Many times an inadequate answer was given making me sceptical. So now I am starting to ask questions of the establishment, why were things the way they were? This sparked my rebellious spirit and my existential thought process, and the more I thought about it the more I confused I became; I was challenging all of the entrenched values and belief systems that have been entrenched in my young fragile mind. I spiralled out into schizophrenic stage of separation, I was two selves. My old self trying to claw on to the old and the new self trying to pry itself free, this transitional period was extremely rough. It was mainly selfish and hedonistic. I became a genius at escapism, a mastermind of self delusion. What I thought was love was just a well disguised form of narcissism. This chewed me bare until the point I could not feel anything and the only way I was able to feel alive was through pain. I felt so deeply empty my existence in this world was that of an empty can of sardines. I wallowed around this all time low for several loathing alienating months, instead of truly healing I masked the suffering with a wall that I built for myself, encased in a impenetrable shell that I could retreat into whenever I felt threatened or challenged. Stubbornly persistent and hard headed I continued. Somewhere along the lines of this time of self pity, I made the crucial realization that I was the bringer of my own pain, I allowed myself to suffer severely because I chose it. At first this didn’t make sense because I was so used to blaming the extrinsic forces as the root of my failures, always blaming the other. The thought that my self, my ego was the cause of my suffering was ludicrous, after all I loved my ego, I loved the persona I created myself with the helpful tools of society. Acceptance was far more important that non conformity, what my peers thought of me was too important and because of this it I compromised my integrity and widened the gap between the self and the true self. its funny because when I look back it really showed, just from the type of clothes I wore and people I chose to be around. And it is also ironic that you thought that those times were going to last forever, and you were going to be this person forever and not change. When I look back now I see a frightened and confused little boy and it scares me to think that most of those kids never really leave that level of consciousness, they cling to it and it ends up destroying them. Unfortunate as it sounds, many of the friends I had in school are still the same, no progress. I have to acknowledge though under certain circumstances the opportunity to further your consciousness is just not readily available, we can’t all be revolutionary thinkers. Let me just say thank you maryjane for opening my eyes to how much of a shitty human I was.

The roots of my spiritual reform were laid at my conception. Because I was brought up in such a comfortable environment where everything was provided which included wants, I expected things without having to work for them. Essentially I was spoiled to the max. I started looking deeper, everything material was satisfied and once again I felt empty and without meaning. Hedonism was not the answer, I needed more exponentially to fill in that gap, and my desire just deepened as did my suffering constantly trying to find my next fix. So in that sense because of my cushioned upbringing, I found dissatisfaction in that comfort as backwards as that sounds, like Siddhartha before me. Being the black sheep of the family, the weird one, my parents tried frantically to understand me, to the point where it was just easier to say that I had ADD and should be medicated. Now when I look back I feel cheated, and that my development had been arrested, the amphetamines that they were giving me sure helped me focus but the side effects were unparallel and consequential. BUT. Once again this played a crucial role in my rebellion because once I was old enough to realize that all that was being done was contributing to my dehumanization, I got angry and I demanded answers. So then the seeds of my revolt were in place and I proceeded to rebel and do things my own way regardless if wasn’t the best way I was defiant against my parents or any other authorative figure for that matter. The more I was repressed, the more I regressed to my rebellious state. Though a seemingly turbulent and unnecessarily violent way to change, it was the only way I think my true self could have survived, and it is proving to be working thus far in protecting my true nature from external pressures. I am just so glad that I went through that turbulent stage early rather than later, if I didn’t do what my intuition told me I could still be in the same dormant conscious state of self pity, low self esteem, materialistic narrow mindedness. I can also say that my progression was not forced which is why I am not where I don’t want to be, I am exactly where I want to be and though it seems uncertain at times I generally know where I am going to be.

With all of this being said, I cannot claim to be some sort of spiritually enlightened Buddha, because I fully understand that I am far from it. My spirit manifests daily through the choices I make, sometimes they are disassociated and then dissolve and sometimes they transcend and include. i am still in this angry, confused state that I believe is necessary and crucial to ones growth. Anger is a very constructive emotion if expressed rightfully and with non violence something very beautiful can arise from it. I can sense though that I am nearing the end of this angry stage of defiance and am now learning the fundamental importance of sacrifice and acceptance of the things that I cannot change. But it is my responsibility to help people realize their true self, the all encompassing nothingness, the divinity within us all. This can only be done through love. I have diverted my focus from changing political systems, ideologies, systems to trying to change the individual who make up these systems. You really have to start at the root level so naturally it can bloom into something beautiful rather than applying cosmetics to hide the ugliness that we have been doing since the dawn of man. My philosophy is human potentiality, furthering our potential one person at a time. I have not yet realized my full potential because I have constructed all of these limitations so my philosophy is subject to change, but i feel as if I am headed in the right direction regardless if the whole world is shitting the bed. Because really it does not matter what is happening “out there”. How do you expect to change anyone if you can’t even change yourself?

Now I have come to my initial point here, I have reached a crossroad in where I see the opportunity to change the way I think. Should I take it? I think it’s necessary and here is a parable to why I think it is necessary. Gutama Buddha, Confucius and Chuang tzu are sitting at a restaurant discussing existential matters, when the waiter comes up with three drinks called labelled “life” Buddha automatically says no because he understands that life equals suffering, Confucius on the other hand takes a more logical, sceptical approach to the drink and says well I cannot judge if I haven’t tried, so I will take a sip. He takes a sip and then says “your right, life is suffering”. Chuang tzu on the other hand takes all three drinks and downs them all, he proceeds to sing and dance, laugh and cry. Buddha and Confucius are in awe in shock. You have to take risks or else you will not have ever really lived. Buddhism disregards the body as illusory, but I believe that it is fundamental as a part of the whole spiritual experience. Integrally accept everything for its divine nature. Confucius the logical behaviourist takes a small sample and quickly disregards anything else; he is satisfied in his claim. That is what religion and science has wrong, they both cling to one side disregarding the possibility of the other, it is dual and therefore fragmented. But if you are like chuang tzu and you embrace everything life has to offer then you will experience. This whole time I was obsessed of the idea of the middle way of no extremes, I thought I could escape suffering derived from desire by attaining perfect equilibrium, I now realize that this middle way is in its own is an extreme. If you notice the lever of a clock sways back and forth, if it stops at the middle, it stops working. Constantly sway back and forth between opposing forces and you will always experience a moment of clarity and peace as it passes briefly through the center. I haven’t fully yet finished my endeavours of the “left hand path” religious experimentation so in that sense my view is still fractured and dual. But I am gearing myself towards a new integral approach that can integrate both the extrinsic and intrinsic, the extroverted and the introverted, the external and the interior, the “I” and the “IT” objectivity and subjectivity, science and spirituality, rational and irrational, logical and creative, man and woman. I am anticipating the moments the pendulum of life hits the middle but also excited to see how far it can take me with careful moderation.

havarti cheese, earl grey, and a slab of sourdough

Illusory perverse dualities ensue
Desire embarks sojourn of repeated suffering
Masked by another, hidden between the lines
Numbing. Search for brief gratification
No satisfaction found.



repeat.repeat.repeat.repeat.

freestlye for a while? Wednesday, October 22, 2008 at 1:44am

Pfizer for ya old timer whos dick is flaccid
Cant digest truth, pepto bismol works anti acid
Ya pill poppin clepto, fucking sad and its tragic
Pretty soon theirs a pill for whatever, its fantastic

Straight classic, my medicine is this rap shit
And the inhale triple hit from the green spliff
Gettin ripped, stress relieves, can I get a whiff?
Fucking pathetic taking Zoloft ya so soft
Synthetic like Microsoft, unnatural come off
Barbiturate escape, anesthesia rape to please ya
To appease ya, heres tobacco and alcohol
Don’t be afraid to fall into self destruction yall
Lifes seduction got ya chasin and free base’in
Laced in, power, greed, amphetamine speed
Fuck that all I have is the need to smoke weed
The burnin yearnin for the herbs n im cruisin
Oh shit ya caught me, payin 5.50 for a starbucks coffee
Aint it lofty, business class clad, economic fads
Ill knock ya out like rocky
Strapped in, launch pad for a future crash
empire wont last pumpin out its worthless cash.
nothing left but SMOKE and ASH so i SMOKE the HASH
9-5 sleepwalkers, game of cops and robbers
Consume your souls away weekend shoppers
Tickle me elmo? Shut the fuck up before I give you the elbow
Don’t disturb my ebb and flow, or the wisdom I bestow
Seldom offered, to those worthy
To sport me and rhyme freely


Pfizer for ya old timer whos dick is flaccid
Cant digest truth, pepto bismol works anti acid
Ya pill poppin clepto, fucking sad and tragic
Pretty soon theirs a pill for that its fantastic

my soul speaks. Monday, October 20, 2008 at 12:52am

Yo, funkadelic trips through light and sound vibrations Causes my senses, to take sips of the pool of infinite sensations. The temptation for positive compensation of the negative trumps any sedative that drapes down like the veil of maya. Liberation from delusion creates fusion of the eternal mind body and soul union. Oneness, the original face that has been displaced and laced with greed, vanity, social anxiety and piety. Societies, fantastic plastic face applies the petrol to control the collective human soul, stories untold of lifes manifold. Freedom is a state of mind as is heaven and hell, when timed correctly, chimes a mantra bell loosening the grip of the egos protective shell. Release. Detach yourself for nothing is forever but nothing is forgotten. I am god’s begotten sun, I rise and die everyday, a valiant display of birthing rays. I AM LIGHT!!! Woe is I, for my selfless nature, fuelling your hateful endeavour, humanities insanity for inflicting brutality. And you call yourselves civil. technologically constant, consciousness stagnant, why smell evolutions fragrance, when you can wallow in pungent mediocrity, intrusively permeating the minds eye. Oedipus weep for mother earth. Cry your soulless heart into oblivion. Pray for a cleanse, removal of the dense ignoramus. Audacious to be ostentatious and fallacious. Resistance to the rebellious universe causes suffering, let go. Be vivaciously salacious for love and life. word is bond.

i really dont know where i am going with this. hahaha

i apologize all who have yet to be born. Tuesday, October 7, 2008 at 2:02am

Ode to...........

All ye eyes of terra incognita unveil yourself and peer down the abyss of greed, distrust, jealousy, envy, bigotry, decadence and death that your fathers have created before you. Will you stand up and claim your rightful place in the universe as free peoples, unhinged from the mechanical apparatus that binds you to physical labour, cut loose from the ports that download nonsense and lies into your minds, freed from the noose that has choked your spirit breathless? I ask you oh unborn tribe will you follow in the bloody footsteps of the lifeless casts that the previous generations have left, to become mere carbon copies, completely combusted and spent? Look not to us for inspiration, but look at what monstrous beings we have become and see to it that you end our miserable existence. Observe the horrors we have committed towards our cosmic mother who has nurtured us unconditionally, how shameful. Look how we have cheated ourselves, sold our souls for brief satisfaction, how disgraceful. To you the unborn generations claim your divinity for it is rightfully yours. Unleash the furious gods within and purge this sick consciousness. I bow down to the guillotine, sever this ugly head and hold it up for all to see.

READ OR DIEEEEE!!!!!! Thursday, October 2, 2008 at 5:21am

When most people think science, they think empirically, absolutely, with logic and reason. To an individual of science empirical proof must be presented to construct sophisticated theorems of his perceived reality, anything beyond the explanation of this beloved hard cold anchor deems nil importance or is cast aside as being false information. These hard critical thinkers don’t give it a second glance once the facts are down; they are efficiently materialistic and manipulative of the physical realm that is within the grasp of their senses and anything beyond this sense is immeasurable and discarded as pseudoscience. Unforgiving and brutally honest but cunning and resourceful, atomistic and reducing, although absolute and precise, they mean business and are the cutting edge in understanding our physical world. Respectfully on the other side of the spectrum we have the spiritual and religious thinkers, who base their belief system on faith and intuitiveness, concerned with the unseen, the immeasurable subjects that cannot yet be proven by science. These wishful thinkers believe that the ultimate reality is that of inconceivable qualities and cannot be fully sensed with our forms of measurement and understanding, they are blind to believe and Susceptible to exploitation, but are capable of infinite compassion and charity, potential to be overzealous and fundamentally absurd, but offer hope and life with meaning. This phenomenon with the obsession of the unseen is remarkably unique to human beings, are we the most insane species on the planet? Perhaps but with this madness we have acquired we cannot deny the art, beauty and culture that has risen from mans need search for meaning in a cold universe. Both science and spirituality are naturally dualistic enemies of one another because they innately try to debunk and diffuse the other, as different as night and day. But fundamentally I think once again people are failing to realize the duality is just an illusion, like night and day everything governed by this celestial event is affected and it brings about a perfect balance. Sleeping is just as important as being awake no?

As a part of my life goal to see everything with an integral approach brings me to this important issue of science and spirituality. How can both sides make amends to and learn to see the whole picture, integrating aspects of both to create a more unified understanding. To transcend and include is to evolve and reach higher plateaus. Nature has a peculiar way of showing us how opposites attract and create, under the struggle between opposing natures. The normal, healthy, functional, durable existence of everything in Nature depends on the mutual enhancement and beneficial interaction of opposite forces. Day and night; summer and winter; work and rest; man and woman, cock, pussy, Cancer, Capricorn, communist, fascist, Birth is followed eventually by death; economic boom by recession. Opposing this fundamental law of the universe can create severe consequences, and in terms of spirituality and science, violence and ignorance can result. On one level, when there is an antagonistic relationship between opposites this leads to destruction. However, from the larger perspective, the balance of Nature is always maintained. Yin gradually changes into Yang and vice versa, whether advocates of either side like it or not, some sort of medium will be found even if that means is destruction. I like to think progressively and positively as much as I can so I try to push for evolution rather than suppressing it, my libertarian views allow me to view science and spirituality as one entity rather than two separate ones.

Harmoniously the two opposing worldviews can come together, but first each party needs to rid itself of its extreme views that cause unnecessary aggressiveness to towards the opposite. Science needs to accept the possibility that it cannot conclude everything no matter how much testing or observation is done; people also need to realize that human being understanding of the world is limited by our senses; the degree of realities existing beyond detectable means is highly plausible. Science depends on the human experience to make its conclusions thus making it limited within our own limitations, science also needs to add the mapmaker in its complicated form of topography, it fails to recognize that the observer is inescapable from the environment it observes thus influencing the outcome. (see double split experiment http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_rQiF2cRKdc ) on the other hand spirituality needs to rid itself of its tenacious habit of refuting the fact that the omnipotent, unquestionable might of god cant be questioned. (at this point I need to disclose the fact that ive been drinking wine and can now feel the effects) a huge aspect of spirituality and spiritual philosophy is the understanding that many people who seek refuge in enlightenment can become lost in translation and become belligerent choda or taint skins obnoxious at the fact that they are not getting enough attention as the vagina penis or asshole. Folks seriously don’t boast about being spiritually enlightened or you lose all of your cred, and yea, I am pointing at that generation of naïve new age enthusiasts think they know everything about Hinduism, Buddhism, drugs, ect. Sorry to break it to you my fellow trustafarian, but by being proud and boasting you have obtained some sort of spiritual revelation completely refutes the basis of spiritualistic emphasis on being humble. Another major issue that plagues spirituality is the perversion of mainstream religion as a means of control. Its sad to see people being exploited to become extremists because they take the word of god fundamentally, while the man pulling the strings is raking in the cash. My Krishna we live in a fucked up world. But take no heed my collective conscious counterpart, for duality is merely an illusion. The choda furry freeway can actually be happy once and for all once it realizes that it plays a crucial role in connecting the throbbing member to your balloon knot.

To clear some things up, because I believe a vast majority, im talking about all 6,725,000,000 of you people out their need to know the comforting fact that you are in fact your own god. Your mind is the most complicated and powerful thing in the physical universe, it is capable of creating worlds on its own; it can transport you absolutely anywhere you want to go for the mind is infinitely limitless. It all depends on how consciously aware you are by the fact that you are completely in control. The physical realm provides our infinite minds as a ground we can always return to, unfortunately most of us stay here and choose not to explore the beautiful limitless worlds of inner space. Now there is absolutely nothing wrong with this, for the integral approach encompasses everything in the goal to create a comprehensive integral philosophy of life and reality. But collectively we must strive to include everything but once again transcend and co create the unfolding will of the universe. Rejoice people, YOU are the universe, there is no such thing as other, no dualities there is only the one. Nor good or evil, it just IS. Acceptance is the first step but it also is the greatest leap. Nothing lasts but nothing is forgotten, the human epic occupies but a wisp of the grand scheme. Oh woe is I for humanity you inflict deep wounds of pain, suffering and disappointment within my weary soul. But I fucking love you. From nothingness, to matter, to life, to mind, to higher consciousness and beyond, let us continue this evolutionary process wherever it may take us.

“For small creatures such as we the vastness is bearable only through love.”
Carl sagan

Hunab ku -Thursday, September 25, 2008 at 7:14pm

Gauging for docilitas
So I may observe with circumspection.
Consequently it may be too late
But I continue to play my adagio.
Selfishly in defence
I take refuge within my hard shell.

Guilty of empirical judgement,
I hold my breath beneath the surface
to glimpse whole truth.
Finding solace amongst infinite complexity,
Discovering an empty chalice of potential,
But first I must come round full circle.

I am the walls of Jericho
You are the horns of Joshua
Befell this mighty façade
For I must lose all in order to gain
A child’s cold heart displayed
Can this fiery ego be tamed?

Still waters unsettled
By the ripples of the past
Coalesce with earth we create mud
Flexible, supple, elastic, yielding
Opposing natures harmonious
Even then I keep a watchful eye

Perhaps a polar shift is needed
Earth seeks equilibrium as do we.
Oppressed by constellation tyranny
Would we clash like titans?
Leap of love and faith
I prostrate myself to you

shit thats on my mind Share, Monday, September 22, 2008 at 2:13am

This world is deluded; You Yourself have deluded it. Forgetting the One, it has become engrossed in duality
Sri guru Granth Sahib.

duals, or so it seems. it appears this universe is composed of dualities, opposing forces fiercely and violently struggling against one another to find that delicate balance which is the original state. the primordial singularity, the middle way, the fulcrum point of the pendulum, no-thingness, nirvana, heaven, whatever you may want to call it essentially it is this same "Oneness" that is our original face, the sleeping deity within us all deluded by the illusory world in which we know to be "reality". the tumultuous relationship between man and woman is a prime example of this extreme of duality. biologically we cannot escape this , but with our highly defined consciousness of today, and the with the informational technology that we have we can inform ourselves that we are essentially the same, we are ONE. their is no need for patriarchy or matriarchy, or games that we love to play. their is only room for mutual understanding, tolerance and love. all of these predestined psychological traits that male and females acquire are empirically observed and thus are thought to be followed and not changed, well that would be a horrible conclusion dont you think? forever bound to a set of rules that are unalterable in the time of change. the key is to realize that we have these differences but break through traditional norm and work to facilitate each others evolution towards understanding and cooperation. you must help one another find the middle way.

the enlightenment age brought upon a very rational way to look at the world as something that can be measured and studied empirically, it is true that this worldview has brought upon some of the greatest achievements in sciences, technology, politics ect. but this complicated form of topography forgot one thing in the map he created for the world, and that is the topographer himself/herself. he/she forgot to include himself/herself as a part of the map thus creating a universe that is without meaning, cold and dead. what the topographer failed to realize is that he/she is a part of the world itself leaving out a vital and important part of the equation and the interpretations that make are just as equally as real and valuable as the observable world. their was never a separation from the self and the world, no duality. but because of the current worldview of extreme rationality some unfortunate things are occurring like the over consumption of natural resources, hyper inflated materialistic lifestyles, exploitation, lack of spirituality, superficiality, vanity, pollution, mental and physical health ailments, war, greed so on and so forth. all products of an extreme reductionist view of the world. freeing ourselves from the peaks and valleys of karma can be achieved if we integrate a more integral worldview of reality that encompasses everything as being indifferent, neither good nor bad, just is. we need to start thinking trans-rational instead of trying to murder everything's soulful meaning.

you are your own god
you choose your reality
you are the center of your own universe
you ARE the universe

the change you see in the world has to be whithin yourself Share. Friday, September 12, 2008 at 2:40am

basically America is dead. There is no political voice. Music is dead. Our way of thinking is dead, our commerce is dead. Everything in this society has been done. That's where we are as a country.... Nasir jones aka nasty Nas.

i will be honest, i am growing weary. voicing my opinions, trying to exploit the system for what it really is, constantly informing myself and others around me about serious social crisis that we experience. but people are not listening, and why should they, i am just an angry youth with no credentials to back me up. maybe i should just give up? perhaps its time to grow up right? accept things the way it is, get out and get a mundane job like everyone else? should i sell out my integrity and my values in order for me to live the picket fence suburbia dream?

i stubbornly trudge on pathetically in a desperate attempt to see the light at the end of the tunnel . constantly i find myself wading in the same cenote deep beneath the surface, running over myself in a repetitive fashion without ever breaking out of this cycle. for the longest time i waited for my messiah, whether he came in the form of a drug, a divine being, an ideology, or a benevolent alien species, i was their waiting for him hiding from reality. then BOOM reality check, i can run as far as i want from my problems only to have them haunt me. but now it is enough, it is time for me to respectfully toss in the towel and lift the burden of thinking cynically off my shoulders. i have made the obvious realization that the biggest self delusion one can bring upon themselves is the belief that one is limited or that he isn't capable of something. this veil of maya has finally lifted itself from my eyes and for the first time in a long time i can actually see. i speak for the entirety of humanity when i say this "we need to take our asses from our heads and shake them to this funky melody." MELODY as in being harmonious with life, allow yourself to be strung and let yourself resonate with full potential.

as much as chillen in the park blazin thick bangin on drums and spinning poi is cool and everything, your not really doing anything. we talk about change in our little THC induced philosophical rants but then forget what we talked about almost immediately AHAHAHA its the stoner paradox! but seriously ladies and germs we can profess to each other all we want about Buddha this, taoist that, new age this, 911 conspiracy that and i can see that we are not really getting anywhere. now don't take me wrong, i understand that everything i talked about previously you hold dear and take very seriously, but so do I and please continue to do those things, im punching myself in the face. what hurts is seeing people talk about these concepts and not apply them in real life, i am guilty of this to. our subculture is beautiful, lets not ruin it with ignorance and pretentiousness.

so now i return back to my original point. how am going to possibly escape the "western dream." i hope to achieve this by becoming a journalist because i will have the freedom to be artistic and critical, my original career of choice really but i dicked around for two years because i was torn in two for my family wanted me to get a career that pays well. how cliche right? well i will be one of those individuals who shot for the unreachable and will either succeed or fail trying. and i am perfectly fine with that. god have mercy on ye souls if my words are published. no one will be able to hide from my wrath, for i will expose you.



and remember kiddies, the change you want to see in the world has to be within yourself.

My shadow's shedding ........Tuesday, September 9, 2008 at 1:39am

.......but theirs no time to pick at my scabs.

the coming of fall marks a very crucial point in my year. it is the time where it is appropriate for me to shed some exterior shells about myself that have accumulated throughout the year. some things that are not necessarily bad but rather the things, people, ideas, attitudes and parts of my ego that i have experienced but longer need to hold onto. it is time for me to shed the beautiful leaves that bloomed for me to enjoy and make way for a new batch of new possibilities. i will transcend but also include everything that i have experienced within the past year to help me make the hardships of winter turn into a bountiful spring and a rewarding summer of the following year.

TRANSCEND AND INCLUDE!!!!! this is the universal law.

moments of tension. Monday, July 7, 2008 at 5:27am

i reflect reality as light passes through my iris
to witness the violence in this world sate of crisis
soak up the through my senses the experience is timeless
waiting for the day when spirituality meats science


birthed in a fiery hearth the universe unfolds
to reveal a history of infinite potentiality.
endless stories untold when creativity turns cold
we wind up the culprits of our own fatality.
The lord is your fucking Shepard and its tragic
That enlightenment can become carbon copied plastic.
Vaccum packaged you consume with no question
Your insatiable obsession with oppression.
Mind transgression, I cross the threshold of perception
Overcoming influence of any external deception
Like a contraceptive I am selective with the objective
Allowing the subjective to experience without bias
Defence from the self righteous and pious

i reflect reality as light passes through my iris
to witness the violence in this world sate of crisis
soak up the through my senses the experience is timeless
waiting for the day when spirituality meats science
universal suffering is the human condition
when we leave it to some fucking social development commission
fuck you I wont give in to authorities requisition
just to relieve momentarily a moment of tension


I forewarn with a premonition of a war torn reality
Mass dissention in addition with police brutality
Where forms of mass mediocrity bleed the arts
And neurotic paranoia becomes a commonality
Use your olfactory modality and smell the fucking lies
And sense that people slaughter to obtain new highs
The Buddha mind weeps when you proceed to baptize
The senseless self destruction that will end in your demise
Psychotically consuming you create the reality that’s brooding
Ensuing the norm for the populations schooling
Mass producing a legion of ignorant sheep
While unspeakable horrors occur when they sleep

universal suffering is the human condition
when so many of us retreat to our dispositions
fuck you I wont give in to authorities requisition
just to relieve momentarily a moment of tension

for those of you who didnt lsiten in history class Share Friday, May 23, 2008 at 2:46am

Naturally the common people don't want war, but after all it is the leaders of a country who determine the policy. and it is a simple matter to drag along whether it is a democracy, or a fascist dictatorship, or a parliament, or a communist dictatorship. Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. this is simple and easy, all you have to do is tell them that they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. it works the same in every country.


Herman Goering. Hitlers Riech marshal


now can anyone guess whos doing that these days?