mundane prophecies

1:30 in the afternoon i lift my droggy head from a bed that is not even my own, my mind trying to calibrate itself from being in the dream realm. as vivid as they are, and i remember they are getting more increasingly vivid, i can only remember fragemented bits and pieces of them. sigh* another 24 in the mundane waking state some of us courageously call life, my selfish body demands so much. the saliva tastes stale in my mouth, the hair on my head smells like musk against my pillow and what little hair i can grow triumphantly makes its pathetic existence known as i rub my hand over my lips and chin. what does it all mean? i hardly ask this question and i now realize i should do it every morning. why do i even get up in the morning? what is the purpose that drives me to wake up in the first place, what am i trying to fulfill? for me, i really have to look very hard to find the beauty in the place i live. i have my family, my friends my music and the arts to keep me from losing my sanity for the most part. but beyond that everything else i find to be very unpleasantly boring, and fucking cold, fraudulent, spiritually lacking and all of these things seem to trickle down and latch themsleves onto me turning me into a unpleasantly boring, cold, fake and spiritually lacking being. lacking beuty, lacking the love i want to give, lacking the love i want to recieve, lacking the mental and physical stimualtion i desire for, lacking the culture and the sense of community i was built for. i am more concerned for humanity at a global spiritual scale than i am for my own sake, where the fuck are we going? its chaos, uncontrolled and rampant. the ones who are tring to salvage anything good and decent in this world are losing their minds faster and taking it the hardest, confused and lost they seem, trying to cling onto the things that they are comfortable with. i miss the smiles i used to see, well maybe its because im not smiling that i fail to notice them.