perverted undertones

conversation between self and a pastor

pastor: pornography is perverting an entire generation of people who consider what is performed in the content deemed acceptable by normal respectable standards. pornographic material should be made illegal

Ashton: with all due respect sir prohibition never works, it only increases the desire and means to obtain the pornographic material thus increasing illegal activities. look at what happened during the alcohol prohibition era of the 30s. imagine the equivalent of that only relative to the pornographic industry of today which is bigger than the music industry mind you.

pastor: moral degradation is occurring all over the world, the material gives people ideas that they should perform such degrading acts to people the supposedly love.

ashton: human beings have that dark side which you would call "inherited sin" so regardless if pornography existed these acts would still occur.

pastor: true but not at such a common level, have you ever watched porn and wanted to perform the acts you saw on a girl?

ashton: well you win that one.

gold leafs

so im chillen with my main men vickram and sanjay at work, im buggin out thick, i havent smoked in three says so shits getting bad. sanjay whips out a gold leaf indian ciggarete and hands it to me. a placebo effect already ensues, as i hold the gold leaf the symptoms of my addiction disperse immediately. this leads me to think that this shit is all in my fucking head. i smoked the gold leaf anyway and it was delicious, shit was nicotine free too. damn good shit.


now im chillen in my kitchen filth writing this, the ball butter is building up so i suppose i will shower and probably rub one out. AAAAAAAAAAAAH the life of a lowly cook WOOT!!!

golkars gold

hey hows a goin?
yeah its kind of slow and kinda borin
specially when everyones corrupt to the core an
i wish i could dissect the kind of disrespect
fakes and frauds filled up to my neck
but hey yo hows it goin
your hair is flowin and i wont leave without knowin
what it is that makes you smile, just for a lil while :)
like a perfect cheerio in a pile of shit i think your legit
dont call it quits not now not ever
give me the pleasure to help you make it better
if its cold out ill let you use my sweater hee hee

but yo hey, hows it goin
i kind want to see you grow an
rock your full potential
dont worry your not a rental, your essential
to the human elemental
not to get all sentimental n shit
but we could hold hands even for a lil bit
so go
im telling you GOOO!!!
get the fuck out of your damning home
forget your computer and fuck your phone
just for a couple days seek something new
you and i both know you got nothing to lose
fuck your hatred and your shitty attitude
that outfit doesnt look good on you

but whaddup hows it flowin?
its green outside and the rain is pourin
im going to dance in a open lot and splash in puddles
why? cuzz i fucking can!!!!!
ill be home just in time for cuddles
you know im good for that shit
only a few more months of misery
until im babied in victorias amnesty
to rightfully bathe in native ancecstry
this shit is my fucking birth right

but like yo what the fuck is up
i have a toast so raise your cup
to my girl whos lost on the western coast
the host to my potential freedom
LIBERTAAAD!!!!!!

frosty prostitots

yo attitudes up for edit, yeah i said it cuzz i cant give you proppa dollas or credit. your a clepto from the get-go you steal the she show with your bright eyes and flashy clothes walking around with ya snot nose, in the air straigtened layered hair you dont give a fuck except with your luck youll find a eager dick to suck. inventions for attention shaking ass that causes erection, my detection sees right through that bitch in her high heeled shoes. its a win lose, id love to tap that phat ass but how long will it last before i wake up one morning and discover a rash? open wallet with no cash she played that card she made a dash! DAMN, her purpose makes me nervous when she offered her service far to eaaaaasy, i was tipsy she was sleasy flashin them itty bitty titties beggin for a quickie. you gotta do what you gotta, lie, cheat and steal no hesitation to slaughta, no interception of a father makin you hotta than a hoe with ghonorhea. nice ta meetchyeaa but i really got no time to spend dimes on a dime, ya feel? keep it real! owned for sellin out for sellin ass, your bound to crash and its tragic that you got sick with a hat trick 3rd score your diseased to the core but your still getting pounded on the bathroom floor. low self esteem is what you got out of this cream dream, lettin in lettin out steam, itchin for another fix'n to keep goin on your day to day lowly livin.

yo attitudes up for edit yea i said it cuz your runnin dicks like a machine that accepts debit
cash or credit, plastic or paper whats todays flavor? your doin favors walking on thin razors,
oh shanequa the bodegas weekly flava, id hit it but id neva date ya
im sorry ya chose this path for sellin ass fo cash
givin out fucks for bucks
YA FAKE AS FUUUUUUUCK




*hip hop your the love of my life\
militia kidssss can ya feeel meee!!! BOH

Twin salt shakers

obscured in almost every sense this ultimate sum of grey matter that has been working in overdrive to sort out this seemingly endless dillema, cant even begin because the problem has not even been identified. i have squandered endlessley to find some sort of external catalyst to point the finger at but the only deeper wounds were cut, wounds that are sure to surface as inexplicably obvious scars. i refuse to weep, grief in the form of salty liquids are held back because i want to wallow in this brief moment, feel its absolute penetration through my stubborn ego until i cannot bear it any longer, illiciting a brute force ambition to take action. childlike tantrums, foolish actions out of desperation all in all quite patheticly strung together exposing my weaknesses. i suppose this is what happens when you cling to the ugly bitter end trying to milk out whatever you can out of a fantasy turned real even if it is only momentary. perhaps because it is momentary i choose to cling? but if this is true then why would i set myself up for such an epic fail? you have proven to have been one of the greatest teachers in my life, lessons ingrained slipped in your package of mischief, constantly switching hands always one step behind eachothers footsteps, spiralling out into ying yang oblivion. regardless of any compromisations made at the top of this tower, neither of us took heed the faulty foundations. now that i look back i cant seem to find anything solid to base it upon other than pure infatuation and the longing to love and be loved. seperated by qualities fixed we were like oil and water, beautiful patterns are created at our encoutners and clashings but never once do they mix. we reacted like two potent and unstable elements, a failed experiment of one magalomaniac scientist who thinks with grandeur. niether of us wanted what the other offered and i felt it reached proportions of forcefeeding our selfish doctrines, projecting that abuse that would have otherwise been self inflicted. with opposing natures there is no right or wrong, just perspective, light and dark, children of the same seed. in our own right both of our intentions were pure regardless of the head on clash from the extremeties that our ugly selves managed to conjure. i mark you with the crosshairs of a howitzer that fires 20mm rounds of pure undying respect for your decision, its the best way for me to defeat emotional attatchment. no mans land lays in utter waste peppered with craters of each missfire, the trench lines trade hands more frequently than a hipster changes fads. progression at this moment is stalemate. half assed goodbyes indeed. but damn, im fresh out of someone to dance with....


i was the salt and yous was the peppa

let go.

overboiled perogies, sour cream simulated bacon bits and green onions.

a blaring pheonix perishes in a fury of spontaneous combustion, and whithin that heaping pile of ashes it is reborn again. i have chased the heart of one who doesnt give a fuck about nothin. but whatever, no fingers pointed. just the lessons annointed from that feeling of utter dissapointment. inevitable outcome came with this seemingly eternal connundrum, and what i learned is to question when you get those feelings of tension. doubt because without it there is no inquiry, advoation of skepticism because theirs alot of bullshit desguised as truth. used and abused the lies reek like the taitned cum on the bedsheets, i promise to myself never will i let my emotions be toyed in such a ruthless matter, conniving chatter. integrity compromised for love is never worth the sacrifice, intensity maginified as it spirals out i lose my own identity. i know how to spot em when i see em now, so its all gravy.

a blaring pheonix perishes in a fury of spontaneous combustion, and whithin that heaping pile of ashes it is reborn again. i have seen the eyes of another. this one looks more promising, but im forced to not beleive the hype as i approach with caution. more reserved, legit for real and connected to earth, could she be the one to finally quench my thirst? for now i leave my embers dim, for i no longer trust loves chance on a whim. i cant block my flow so i gotta roll solo for now so i can allow my self grow.

goodbye

we've felt the highest of highs
and the lowest of lows
but i suppose.
thats just how polarities go
our experience together has forced us to transform and to grow
so let it be known
that a seed of potential has been sown
alone, ive always known
that you would return to your home
detatched and unhinged is what ive been shown
and like a crab does, he loves till the bitter end
clinging to the stinging loss of a friend
stubborn persistence is the name of the game
and im sorry if its compromised your goals and your aims
i admire your bravery
to exradite yourself from societal slavery
or maybe its stupidity and lack of clarity
i hath not the courage to take that gamble
memories of star gazing on the road to shambles
i got too close and i got bit by the panther
but in a sense thats exaclty what i was after
times of laughter and moments of tears
and sometimes moments you just grind my gears
lovers amidst that furious passion
we expressed it all in such a voilent fashion
a release for the both of us, i thank you for this
for showing me a fleeting moment of eternal bliss.
i close this tale because soon youll be surfing gales
sharing homes with fishes and whales

until whatever, whenever?

jibberish

hernandez cortez searched for the fountain of youth and all he did was destroy a beautiful culture...............

its these fucking vultures who pave an abysmall path
kissin ass, consuming it fast. these automated pathological monstrocities.
i see no difference between then and now. nothings changed, just the means of how its done. stinkfist, elbow deep in colon stimulation. you know that sensation is going to lose its appeal once youve dried it all up. your going way to fast. fuck please slow down. what are you looking for? i beg of you just keep it in third. ive seen both sides. spiralling out i cant stop that chaotic ocean.

remember this name

fourtet.

seasonal afectional disorder is just a fancy way to say that the winter months suck balls and make you as miserable as old man who has an aquired distaste in youth pop culture. slash. youth pop culture does indeed blow the fromage right off an uncircumcised penis so i suppose im right up there with the old man in thh nosebleeds. but alas, all hope is not lost for spring is flashing her bountifull bosom, and like the old man to my left i too have a pair of bonoculars staring down her concaves. its about time we take that icicle out of our asses and walk with our heads up eh? sodomoziation in minus 30 degree weather is not my kind of kinky evening. having sweaty jungle love in aprons whilst barbequeing that lovely med rare slab of juicy succulent rump, sipping cervezas on your balcony so the entire neighborhood can bask in those lovely sights and smells is more enticing. besides fred next door told me his sex life with merideth is lamer than a tupperware party.....and merideth loves to have tupperware parties. so lets spice some shit up.

first off, lets replace the community center with a huge bonfire in the center, surrounded by intricate spiritual geometrics with massive subs on pillars to facilitate the saturday pow wows. trade in your SUV and rigs for fine persian carpets THAT FLY!!!!. transform your cookie cutter houses into something that looked like you put alex greys, frida khalos, and terrence mckennas brain into a blender on frappe. blast away the local wallmart away with some low end dubstep and reconstruct a bazaar in the parking lot where people can sell there art, acrobatics, entertainment, food, music, and entheogens(responcibly). everyone can turn there cheap ikea catalougue backyards into sustaining vegetable patches or zen gardens. all of this is indeed possible, but i wonder as to why its not like this? do pepole really enjoy mediocrity that much that they have to surround themselves entirely of this opaque plastic encasing of falsifications? i guess so. the world isnt that hostile as we make it out to be, its just our own lame insecurities that make it so sketchy. enter the vicious circle. things arent looking to swell folks, and shits only getting worse, an ideology is only as good as the individual who created it, and im not sure how far i can throw karl marx, jesus christ or adam smith. maybe, everything on the outside was alright on its own. nature does its own deal why do we insist on manipulating it?.......oh wait, greed and slefishness thats why. so the problem is whithin. well obviously. this message has been trying to weavel itself into everyday cognitive activities for hundreds of thousands of years and we STILL dont get the fucking idea.

in truth, i am getting tired. maybe its just that cheeseburger i ate.

do i eat because im bored? yes as a matter of fact i do.

clean slate
ive collected all of the fond memories
discarded all of the bad, that were trivial in the first place.
no more heartache, no more games. no more frills and thrills.
i didnt have the foresight to adhere to this inevitable outcome, how could i have been so easily swayed? my vision cuts through the veil.
i realize that its all been rehashed and wrought upon by fear.
i hath not the strength to care anymore...but i obtain stubborn persistence
this is the last hurdle...loosen the grasp, nobody owes you shit.
my efforts lost whithin a void of futility.
my emotions toyed with like a toddlers playthings.

ashton your head was in the fucking clouds man. focus. no more distractions. realistic goals.

forgive, learn, forget,

things happen as they should
what may appear a downfall is a blessing in disguise.....thats if you choose to grab it that is.

poached pears in caremalized red wine

break on through


past the rebar and the drywall and the concrete, and the cofees, and the amphetamines and the mcdonalds and the 9 to 5, and the car, and the job, and the mortgage, and the cell phone, and the lawyers, and the stocks, and the business deal, and the contracts, and the marriage, and the church, and the tobacco, and the alchohol, and the prozac, and the TV, and the media, and bill oreilly, and the government, and L ron hubbard, and george dub, and global warming, and deforestation, and the industries, and the oil, and the republicans, and he democrats, and the central bank, and the jealousy, and the pride, and the envy, and the hate, and the lies, and the sellouts, and the false, and the manipulation, and the miscommunication, and the NWO, and the global elites, and pharisees, and jesus, and allah, and yahweh, and jehova, and joseph smith, and the genocide, and the white mans burden, and the genocide, and the holocaust, and the toxins, and the pollution, and the poverty, and the ego, and the self rightous, and the pretentious, and the goat, and the crab, and the scorpion, and maya, and the regulation, and the left, and the right, and the day and the night, and the woman and the man, and the sorrow, and the bombs, and the borders, and patriotism and communism and facshism and everything in between, and ADD, and deppression, and autism, and cancer, and samsara, and you and me, him and her, I and IT.

there is no man vs. man
there is no man vs. nature

there is only man vs. himself
what hes done and how its dealt
either faced now or put on the shelf
the delicate balance between poverty and wealth

the problems cleaned with solvents
always leave streaks and sprout leaks
escapists flee with all honesty
they should not have to suffer
not without a lover
to grant them the key to their own potential
thats permanently residential in what you percieve

cold and ugly - LOOT

Underneath her skin and jewelry,
Hidden in her words and eyes
Is a wall thats cold and ugly
And shes scared as hell.
Trembling at the thought of feeling.
Wide awake and keeping distance.
Nothing seems to penetrate her.
Shes scared as hell.

I am frightened to.

Wide awake
And keeping distance from my soul.
I am scared like you.

kymatica reflections.

the only form of reprisal we have to escpape the detrimental confines of oppression is through the search of truth, and wisdom as to what to do with this knowing. the truth, for the most part is far too frightening for people to grasp so they insist on manufacturing barriers between them and the as a matter of fact reality of things. the line between truth and falsifications is so thin, and constantly moving that it requires the explorer to be constantly checking and rechecking established beliefs with an underlying level of doubt, for without doubt there is no inquiry and without inquiry there is no progress. it is naive to be solidified whithin ANY belief system, these ideals are merely maps that help us coordinate ourselves through the space time continuum, they have no "real" tangible worth in this realm, rather they extend themselves out from the more ethereal and subtle worlds of existence. choose the best ones carefully, for some are indeed better than others but never in any case close the doors to other possibilities.

What is truth? well, i suppose in the postmodern world truth is completely subjective. people have themselves convinced that their own truths are true and that other peoples truths are not. this crag form of elitism has unfortunately been damaging to the communicative and unifying process of evolution. the tongues of babel rant and rave but nobody can understand because no common ground is found. the world is split into so many unique branches but it appears that everyone has forgotten the roots and trunk that nurture all. tsk tsk human beings, id like to see you get out of this rut.

*disclaimer

if you have experienced any of the following.......

clocking out gives me a perfect excuse to puchase tobacco, paying royalties to Atco with an airshow of swooping crows. i could never know the future path that im bound to make the time to take a secular moment for these feeble rhymes. is it such a crime to be open minded? well mr johnson and his whie merideth think so. you gotts keep up with them and spend your quality shceduled family intervals inside condensed fucking consumer pitri dishes. so i take the responciblity of a listless observer experiencing the "IT" ness of the moment. my conscious development undergoing subconscious transactions, trading off wordly knoweldge for divine wisdom. i mark this encision with an inquisition of a passive purge. i obtain the urge to make love with a surge of new found zealous. no time to be jealous or pekish. help yourself to the abundant love thats right underneath your fucking nose, this feelings enclosed inside a cove of titanium. my cranium has expanded the number of seats of a collosul stadium. i have witnessed infinity, i am eternal whithin this reversal of ups and downs, smiles and frowns, love and hate i concentrate..... on this karmic path i chose to be a part of, buy the ticket take the ride dont hesitate to see whats inside the boundless depths whithin the mind. collectively we ALL try to find the diamond in the rough which can only be found in unconditional trust.i live a life of booms and busts, sparkling reflections and eldered rust. i must find some sort of reprisal in a tropic isle, i realize my experience deserves more. i refuse to budge because this ape brain chooses to judge from the root of insecurity. ive recently tasted purity and refuse to easily let go, these stubborn claws are frozen to this love and refuse to thaw. i am but a recluse hidden inside a corporate shoe, riding the heavy strides of estalbished lies, there are some days id like to die, hoping for an afterlife of promise. perhaps not, if i follow the guides of love enchated compass. the answers are there, the truth is whithin reach and i still resort to the projections of a leech, i dare not preach right from wrong, because from the notes ive seen this melodies a different song.......trailing off. its like this yall, its like that yall errybody bounce ya ass to the beat yall, its like this yall its like that yalli wanta see ya move ya funky feet yall. mumble mumble.....trailing off drunkard rants.


shibideee bebop sheebop taka rang rang slam jam uncle sams a sham.....(trailing off drunkard ramblings).mumble mumble.


.....please contact your physician

holy fucking christ.

deviant smiles at the thoughts of what i want to do you
addiction to friction creates the pungence of funky residues
puddles of liquids pounding gluteus maximus lipids
its a slippery slope, but who the fuck cares
love and lust, incriminating evidence on bed sheets crust
fuck its been a while ive been coughin up dust
wake of virgos full rising
theres no denying at the perfect timing
its tantalizing
can you feel the pressure climbatizing?

pant, pant, boom, bust. repeat 5 times for results.

these little pincers of mine have become quite accustomed to latching onto things with the grip of rigor mortis. this death grip i have aquired i realize has only been the cause of fear, being afraid of the deep blue waters that have so much depth, opportune and freedom. perhaps i am afraid of my own freedom? even now i catch myself wading in the shallow corals of doubt, i can comfortably wedge myself into these multicolored crevises where i can feed off of the same floor and know that i will be sustained. but behind this armoured encasing i feel undoubtedly incomplete, unchallenged and stale. what am i afraid of? failuire? loss? dissolution of ego? dissolution of my establishment and preconceptions? all of these things are masks of the same face. all of this fear is rooted from the same core. my god the threshold seems so vast, why do i cling to this rock so firmly? even the algai lets go and moves on. i am much more capable than algai. i have felt the playful current that a bubbly sea horse has created, curiously i snatch my one pincer outreached to grasp her tail but i miss everyime because my other pincer is so firmly clenched onto this rock. my bleak squiggly eyes let out a gasping sigh as she swims off to western lagoons.

i have becoming increasingly more accepting at the concept of loss. i have lossed so much already, to dwell and worry only causes this furious cycle of self enslavement which manifests itself in the most ugly ways. i feel as if i have projected everything that is lesser of me onto the things i am intimate with. more specifically people. i admit now that i was wrong to assume anything, nothing is concrete, nothing lasts, but nothing is forgotten. it is foolish to deny this fundamental and universal law. all pain is self induced. we choose to suffer because its what we know best. take it as it comes and be one with that moment, thats all there is and ever will be. i mind puke at the thought that i was so close to losing all my sanity in this mindstate of self defeat and mediocrity. i cancel my subsription, i dont want any of this anymore. because the ape mongering mind is such a cunt i am going to have to utilize it just a little bit longer so i can set myself free. my dream is revived.

jesus christ, the inhalation of tobacco needs to end.

the four gods

focus, integrity, truth, compassion

shedding shells, binding pincers, scuttling sideways

if i was having a severe anxiety attack in front of a group of people, it would most likely go unnoticed. all the symptoms are there, the feeling that i need to projective vomit, every single nerve is on fire, sweaty palms, "restless leg syndrome", laboured breathing. i have come so accustomed to my condition that i can for the most part function normally outwardly without any disability. the only thing that would give it away is the occasional eye twitch. this, shell. this suit of armour that has developed over time reflects a cold and emotionless visage, to rationalize the situation is to protect my heart from further collapse, but at the same time it keeps me in the dark. as a bit of a confession, beneath this indifferent, weathered and disensitized caste lays an extremely vulnerable and extremely sensitive soul. i havent been honest with the demands of that self and i have left it out in the open, up for grabs. like a lion with too much pride i have gotten lazy and turned my back on the cackling hyenas who would swipe at my litter in any given opportunity. my integrity has been undermined, my values dishelved...i feel like a samurai who sold out the bushido code for a few silver coins, now i am am on my knees ready to perform seppuku. even now though somehow i feel like this needed to happen in order to shed my old skin and grow into something more evolved and refined. i have milked out this monkey mind for so long, i have squeezed this land of milk and honey to the last drop and now its time for me to move on. i feel as a man, that i should fulfill the archtypical template for the protector/provider, to be able to stand strong in the face of fraudulence. for so long i have embarked with the goddess within me i am swaying in femenine energies of passiviness and receptivity forgetting to integrate it with the masculine energies. i am still searching to complete this cohesive ying yang relationship of opposites in all aspects of life, trying to understand the seperation, trying to integrate opposing natures. but now its time for me to make the total 180, i flick the switch and i leap to the other side of the spectrum. my journey begins now.