when i look into her eyes, it is difficult for me to execute my normal application of analysis so i am forced to go directly into troubleshooting. have i become so afraid that i am completely unable to conclude a first impression, or is my mind still wandering off into nostalgia? in retrospect i feel more lenient to suffice my physical desires, so i feel more than anything at this point it is merely a means to fulfill an end. but why? is it just within the process of my healing, or am i just being a dog? half of me wanting to fulfill my salivating primal mind and the other half rationalizing to discover what both parties intentions are. as a whole i romanticize about both polarities and the winding paths each unpaved road bestows. holy fucking christ i am way to complicated to make any decisions. conundrums.
in the meanwhile
i marvel at her fair skin, bright complexion, chrystaline blue shards for eyes and her eccentric tendecies. she too understands the relationship that the human mind/body has with music and i revere a high level of respect in that aspect. but for now, i keep my emotions detatched and distant as it would be most wise to allow this ongoing healing process to continue into the concluding stages before i consider opening my heart again. it is slightly selfish to assume this indifferent role, but i think that essential for me to experience the coldness before i can continue foreward. i have never had a problem with solitude, and i have discovered it is easier to deal with myself alone than burdening someone else with my conflicts. i value these times of introspection. should i discover and reveal my self more to my own awareness, only then will i be able to maturely care for someone else.
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